We want to make sure that balloons offers excellent services to bereaved young people and children.
There is only way we can ensure that this happens – we need to consult and ask you to help us with your views, thoughts and ideas.
We plan to set up a Young People's Consultation Forum in the Autumn and would like to invite you to be involved.
If you would like more information, please ring Jen on 01392 826065, or email projectmanager@balloons-devon.org.uk
Although talking about the person in your life who is dying or has died can be really helpful, it can sometimes be difficult
to find the words to explain just how strongly we can feel. Memories are often about the times that have been spent together
and these times can leave us with feelings so deep and sometimes so complicated that it is virtually impossible to find a word
that truly describes what is felt. This is because all of our memories, past and present are more than just a dictionary.
Sometimes there are images, smells, feelings and sounds that accompany these events. So, no wonder the right words can be so
hard to find.
However, there are lots of things that can help us explain and sort out our feelings without having to just sit and talk. You can...
Make a pre-bereavement memory box -
If you know that someone close to you is dying, they may even help you to do this. You may find, as you make your memory box together,
that talking about something so difficult becomes a little easier. You may want to ask them if you can have a recording of their
voice so that you can hear them after they have died, perhaps a DVD of them or a special film you both enjoyed. It may be helpful
for them to share with you, and for you to hear what they are going to miss about you also. Even though awaiting the death of someone
close to you can be very upsetting, you can help each other by sharing as much as possible and asking as many questions as possible.
This way you will continue to learn about each other right up until the very end.
Make a memory box –
Make or buy a special box to put your special things into. You can always get a plain box and decorate it yourself to make it more
special. Then collect things that were important to you about the relationship you had with this person.
This could include...
- Photos
- Letters
- Pictures you have made for them or they have made for you
- A tape of their favourite music
- Their favourite perfume
- A DVD of your special person (& maybe you together)
- Poems
- Small gifts you have exchanged with each other
- A piece of jewellery
You will find once you get started more ideas will come into your head about what to include. If there is a special place you liked to
go, you could collect a stone or leaf from this place to put in your box. Other people may have some things that they would be willing
to let you have. They may even have their own stories and memories that they would be willing to share with you so that you can record
it some way for your box.
Make a Memory Jar -
For this activity you will need some coloured chalk, salt (ordinary table salt is best) and a jar in the shape and size of your choice.
Crush the coloured chalk with a rolling pin until it is really fine, making sure you keep all the colours separate.
Add salt to each different colour until you have the right shade of colour you want. You will be surprised at how much colour can be
made from one stick of chalk.
Now write down your memories or think about them one at a time.
Once you have a memory, place an amount of salt you think represents that memory in a colour of your choice into the jar. Try to be
careful not to shake the jar or move it too much as it will disturb the way the salt lands.
Do this with different memories and colours until the jar is full. Just to make sure the coloured salt does not move, top the jar up
with either plain salt (or coloured if there is any remaining) before you fasten the lid up tight.
Then take the jar to a place of your choice, trying hard to not tip it up too much. You may want to have it on view all the time or
may choose to look at it and remember special memories when you are feeling sad.
Other Activities...
Writing -
Some young people like to write stories, poems or letters to remember their special person by. These pieces of writing can be placed
in the coffin if you have the chance, or can be kept somewhere safe, buried or burnt. It is important to do whatever is right for you.
We are all different and it is important that we find our own personal way to say goodbye.
Diaries of feelings can also be really helpful to release the feelings that are inside you. You can even write your own song or piece
of music about, or for, the person you are saying goodbye to.
Releasing Emotions -
Getting emotions out can also be difficult. Lots of young people say they want to cry but just can't. If this sounds like you, then
it might be helpful to think of a song or a film that makes you cry and watch it.
Sometimes exercise can help us release our emotions. Running, swimming, kicking or hitting a ball against a wall can be useful. It can
help us relax or help us get out our anger at the injustice of the situation. If you are feeling really angry, try hitting a pillow or
tearing up a catalogue or phone directory. It may sound a little strange but it works - so go on, try it.
Relaxation -
When people are stressed or upset they often have trouble relaxing or getting to sleep. This is because as soon as you try to rest, all
of the thoughts you have been avoiding, either deliberately because they are too upsetting or because you have been so busy, may start
to come into your mind.
One exercise you can do to help you relax that is called muscle tensing. You can do this standing sitting or laying down. The main thing
is that you are comfortable. Start with your feet. Tense your muscles in your toes and feet screwing them up as tightly as possible until
you can hold it no more then let the muscles go all at once. Then move the tension up into your calves including your feet and do the same.
Repeat this gradually adding in other body parts i.e knees, thighs, until you reach your face. The final tensing should include the whole
of your body, mouth, eyes, tongue, arms hands etc. Hold the tense for as long as you can bear it, then let go all at once. Notice what your
body is feeling. If you still feel tense then repeat the exercise again.
Story telling -
There are lots of books on our reccommended page with descriptions about them. You may find one that you can really relate to. Although it may feel like
you are the only person in the world that is experiencing this right now, I can guarantee that you are not alone and that there are many
other young people going through something similar to you. Sometimes reading other peoples experiences or even a novel can reaffirm that
what you are feeling is completely normal, even though you may not feel it.